ok i was tagged by esther...so i am doing this now...hmm



nothing much happen...but i noe i am bleeding inside...even if i was i lik mad girl wif lynette..screaming out loud at cause way i am still very sad inside...i feel very bad...and guilty...i feel very sorri...i noe i should not have done tat to him...its not his fault...but maybe i am just finding an excuse to forget him...to me he will always be a very nice person,patient,kind,caring well just the kind of boy any girl would want...too bad for me...i don understand myself...it is over but i just have this weird feeling...lik an instinct...i feel tat i hav to hang on..but now...nomatter how strong tat feeling is...i will give it up...and forget him for once an for all...now all i wanna do is apologise to him,study hard for next year...


just read lynette's very very long blog then hand itchy...haha...so now blogging...
nothing much happened today but i noe for sure tat i seriously hate him...he lik keep things from me...i mean if he had come up and make things clear before i confessed...i wont hav been sad and so on...it was avoidable...the worst thing is tat she was one of the cause!!!bloody bitch!!!wad does she wan from me???wad did i do to make her do all this to me???why is she so slutty!!!why!!!is she gonna continue make my life miserable as long as we are together!!!when will she stop it!!!but why in the first place did she do tat to me?????why!!!
no matter how much i hate her...it will not be more then how much i hate him...cos i trust him!or believe him???i don noe how to say it is just some kinda feelin tat cannot be put to words...maybe it is cos i lik him...but still how could he do tat to me!!!i hav made it clear le...I BLODDY HELL GIVE UP!!!if tat is wad she wans me to do then tat is wad i will do...cos i cant take it no more...

now i am gonna announce something...
i have a erratic character...which mean i lik hav mood swings??
one moment i can be happy and be very about it...and if something tat happen tat make me unhappy or pissed off...i will swear all the way...i noe i am lik tat and am trying very hard to control my hot temperedness...

a summary is i give up..and i hate him and her...him more!!!!!

but i am very sorry i cant tell him hu she is...i just cant...sorry...


ok...its been lik 9 days since i have bolgged?everytime us the com at ben's house awhile oni then one uncle come in and say he wan use..so no time to blog...i got this big cosmetics set for christmas present...it was the shock of my life....and was the best presnt eva...i tore abit of the wrapper of and saw some makeup and faster covered it...cos i was lik damn shock lo...lol...the uncle tat gave to me,saw me doing tat and he laughed...i mean wad u wan me to do when i doin believe rite???lol...so i open again it was real!!!ok and i got this flops,two pairs of earings (after i closed my earhole cos it was rotting or something...damn)and a clip...very happy everyday cos of ben...he is very cute...=))miss ben and kai min sooo much now...haiss...
before leaving for the airport...i side hugged victor...so scary???don noe...cos i doin feel scared...amaybe its just my thinking tat i am still scared of him...and well maybe its also my think on wheter i still lik him...nevamind i don change subject...my family is damn weird...the second generation which is my papa one oni hav two boys and five girls...then my generation got oni four girls including me and erm 8 boys??still got one aunt married for two years still haven hav my cousin so i wait lo...haha...
tats about all i have to say le..maybe tok later...


now in ma aunts house...waiting for ben to come home...then can play tekken or something...ben is lik the cutest boy i have eva meet apart from him...he is just very fun to be with...hehe...you just feel lik pinching his rosy cheek!!!
its been great here the nice windy weather tat can get pretty cold at times...and the ppl here are just plain friendly
my uncle,aunts and cousin think i hav changed alot...cos i use to be realli veri veri chatter box...well..i don noe...=))maybe i was lik ben...abit siao siao and very chatty and well can make frens easily...
on thing i cant get outta my mind is i just cant believe tat victor gor gor noes i am scared of him!!!i hav been scared of him well since a very long time...i found out yesterday when i lik told ben tat victor should smile more cos he looks damn fierce then he said "your scared of him...rite" then i say yes and ask him lik how he noe then he said it was kinda odvious...i was lik OMG!!!and even victor gor gor noe...cos from wad ben said...the last christmas i celebrated here victor sat beside me then i walked away...LOL...i cant believe i did tat...and i hav this feeling tat he is lik trying to help me more so tat i won be scared of him???LOL...ben ask me to treat him nicer and lik not be scared of him anymore...i am lik how..i am just very scared...he say tat maybe it will cheer him up then victor gor won treat ben so bad...one of the reasons i am afraid of victor gor is cos of how i treats ben i mean its meant for bens good but when u see him lik asking ben to do push ups and so on...u just feel abit scared..i mea there is nothing i should be afraid of cos i am a girl he will neva touch me and i am not his sis so he cannot do wadeva he does to ben to me...i noe he is very nice...but its just a natural feeling...and he is also a karate player or something...the three brothers are...nick,victor and ben...well i guess its just good luck to me???
gtg...blogg another time...bb


leaving in erm three hours?so thought of blogging one more time...so tat ma blogg won be boring when i am away..lol...something is making me veri veri extremely confused???lynette noe wad...but i just cant get tat person why he do tat???
suan le ba..
fan zhang yi jing over le
haiss...
gotta go n bathe le...damn hott
bye bye everyone!!!

*VERY CONFUSED*


ok...i forgot to blogg yesterday...(smack maself...13 just say wad feel lik very long neva blog le..then now feel lik just blogg one min ago)...
leavin tonight at 8.30...cos must check in at 9 something??then flight is at 11 something...haha...
(tellin u this just incase u wanna send me off...=)))i dreamt of him agin...but i was in ma old pri sch wif alll my sec frens...then fizzy passsed me his homework...some kinda spelling...then his hand writing lik shit lik tat...lol...then i plucked up all ma courage and pass to him...yipee!!!lol
gtg...bye bye...

*SPEECHLESS*


seems lik its been many days since i hav blogged...haha...ah du rocks!!
ok...today nothing much happened...just some sms from someone...which i don noe if i shl;d tok to lynette or esther about...or just keep quite...siann...
i am lik suppose to be sleeping now...cos lynettes coming at 8-9 am??then after tat go and meet esther...then maybe going k-box after tat...i was in my room preparing to sleep de...then suddenly my stomach hurt...so i go and pang sai...so long...atleast...er...15 mins??then after tat i felt likwatching yu le bai fen bai...hehe...=)))
tat show lik totally rocks...xiao zhu is lik damn cute...alll those idoitic action(no offence la)but its very cute...don noe wad to do now...feel so siann...
guess tats all...bb....


updating now cos the other one was lik in the very start of the day???
mama bought me this realli cute pet tree...so cute...love it lots...din do much today...just tok on e phone wif lynette,wanhua and yongsheng...they are very funny...=)))
and i made this lik map so tat my maid could return tat cd the my grand aunt...until now...*blushes*
ok...nothing much to say le...lynette ask me go her house tomorrow...hai...should i??i am kinda lazy...*smiles inocently*then *blushes*=)))))
tats alll...i think am was getting over him...not until LYNETTE told me something i said in the past to make me lik him all over again...
*YOU GO GIRL!!*
thanks anyway...i think i needed it...=)))))))


today is zai jie birthday!!!HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOHIM!!!i just realised tat i sms him,wanted to tagg him but don noe why cannot...and now i am announcing...=))if i added him into frenster...i will send him testi de...hehe...i veri good hor...haha....ok...don noe wad to say le...=)))wann watch friends!!!just love tat show...
its 9 am in canada...<33(roughly)


today is my bro's birthday!!!HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOHIM!!!
but..as a sis...i din get him anything...*blushes*
but today sucked...my mom keep askin me to get out wad i wann to wear on thurs...then i just cant find my pantie!!!wtf...it lik just dissapeared!!!then my mom fa da siao jie pi qi and went out(maybe cos i shouted at her)ok i hav to admit..i am very rude,hot tempered,impatient,and so on..but she is also hot tempered and impatient!!!wtf!and she just won admit!!she say she is oni lik tat after giving birth to ME! i was lik ya ya ya...as if...if i am lik tat hu i get from de???gense rite?and my father is not lik tat???he is patient..so?aint it odvious?wadeva???ok lets go bacck to the topic...so my panties are missing...my maid combed her hole room to find nothing...and i swear i packed it..and my miad did see it when she brought it to my moms room...wad could have happened to it????nvm...tats all...cos i have to go on a pantie hunt again...siann...


sai...i just came bacck from bukit timah nature reserve...damn tired....take atleast half of the wan life road...(translated into english word by word)..then my heart lik was cramping??then like wan faint lik tat...so sai...feel so glad to be home!!leaving in erm lik4 days?kinda excited...but not as much as last time...i shld hav agreed to my mom's idea of goin there during the start of november?then...not many things would have happened...to late...when i heard we are goin for lik oni 12 days...siann diao...haiss...i regret la...when u are there...u neva wanna come bacck le...cos all my aunts will liktreat me real well(i mean sure la...i oni go there lik once a year...and it has been two years since i went bacck...my ah mah..will lik treat me and my bro damn good and cook SHEPHERD'S PIE!!!(just realise tat till now i still don noe how to spell..or atleast don noe if it is correct...haha..but i change le at first i put shepard's pie..but qiqin say lik tat...thanks qiqin =)))wanna bathe le...i just stink the hole hell...bb...


haiss...just read some peoples blog...then feel lik writing blog again...i came across this person's blog...got aone part he say tat to him..love neva exist..once u lose it there is no point in taking it bacck again...i kinda disagree...but...in the end...it is true...it sucks lo...this few days...tat feeling has been fading...maybe...i hav already gotten over him...wel...i'll just let it go its way...no point forcing lik last time...nothing changed...now...i am not doing anything abt it...well...it kinda works...
later must pass the cd to grand aunt...siann la...stupid gor lo...yesterday ask him pass to them he don wann..i mean i was doing my work...and you?playing tat stupid useless game...wtf!say wad earn money...lik shit la...fuck...ok...tats all le...bye bye..


siann...now...haven sleep yet...don feel lik...haha...wait for my gor gorto finish bathing then go and sleep...cos he ask me wait for him...so..i update blog lo...haha...siann...don noe..shld wear which dress for the wedding...wanna wear tat one...then mama lik buay song...i noe de lo...cos she say she wanna share wif me...i mean still tat is MINE...gu gu bought for me from FCUK de lo...stupid la...she got so many still lik tat...so wad if i wear first?it mine wad...wth...i don care...she don wan me wear...i MUST wear...haha...then this heels...are MINE too and i wear she also buay song...keep cliaming tat she wanted it for HERSLEF at first...wadeva la...kao bei...siann...leavin next week...quite excited..hehe...but don noe...which part of my brain keep going retarded...cos keep thinking tat will see him there....lik coincidence...siao imagination lo...i and him...no yuan fen de....unless...lady luck shining brightly on me la...but if she was...i wish it was for another reason...haha...ok...gor finish bathing le...i wanna sleep le..so tired(i think) Y.A.W.N.S**(FAKE DE!)LOL...Nitex!!!


yipee!!!finish paper 3,4,5...left wif eoy paper and some construstions...how..i lost my eoy paper...shit...maybe ask esther lend me...then bring got melborne...do when free...i so guai...haha....maybe most of the time i will be piggin out there...play wif ma cousin...and sleep...haha...i am wondering...shld i bring my mp3??haiss..later ask mama...she bought lik four dresses today...and i am sure of *******...hais...oni lynette and wei ming noe...haiss....i feel very pressured(don exactly noe how to spell)i feel lik tokin to someone...but just don noe hu to...cos i mean...they must be lik a zip log bag...after sayin...they must zip...and throw away wadeva i say..lik i throw away the bag lik tat...haiss...kinda feel lik askin him...well...nth to say le..tats all for today!!


i am updating my blog now...cos qiqin ask me too update...why?is it cos it is boring??oh dear....haha...i oso don noe wad to say...haven even finish my holiday homework...i oni did lik 5qns...and i am leaving next week...so i lik hav to finish it by this week at least...so siann...when it comes to work...i hav this real blank mind...then don hav mood to do le...so siann...haiss...if neva finish muz detention lo...stupid la...holiday oso must hav homework..spoil our childhood lo...holiday meant for playing de wad...then sch start u wann giv us how much homework oso can de wad...stupid la...haiss...
i hav nth to say for the first time...haha...so siann...i wish tat my sec one live will just reppeat one more time...then well i will study hard for exam then won so lousy...until now i oso neva tell my mom i in wad position in my class lo...hai...and i won hav wasted my time one the first guy...and just well skip to the third...haha...lame...but if realli time will turn bacck i will do tat de lo...cos i noe tat it will bring me happiness...i don think oni me la...and oso someone...haha...k...so i think tats all liao...will blog tomorrow if hav time...


haiss...i miss esther!!!when she comin bacck ar?haha...i heard its is snowing in new york...i just saw my bro where this topand jeans and wel i don wanna say this but he looks kinda shuai!!!lol
i am eating tentacles now...from sotong de...i just love them!!!haha...i just became a pro tat help my bro chose wad to wear...and i made him wear this choker...it will look nicer if it was shorter...well...too bad then...maybe go melborne ask mama get him a choker...haha...but too bad he din get this pair of converse shoes cos they din hav his size...haiss...so he went out le...for this gathering...this few days nothing much happened...my father came back from china yesterday...and is goin bacck on thurs...so bo liao...but ma say is cos he got some meetings to attend here...i wanna go there too...then come bacck to singapore at around 3pm on 15 dec and leave for melborne at night...so cool..haha...maybe i might just meet him there!!!lol...at the arrival hall of course...then we take bag together...and tok...lol...so stupid....haha...ma say when i go there she will buy *** for me...haha...so excited...lol...and she say we are goin for a three day farm stay or something...then maybe can ride horse...so excited!!!neva ride horse b4...but this also means tat it will be an animal farm...i hope so much it wont stink!!