the ivan-and-ling thing is making me so..
feel like crying. all of a sudden.
i remember everything. and duh dont feel good about it.

it remined me of how he apologised again and again for accusing me.
now. i feel so. dont-know-what.

when i found out. i felt i was cheated.
or something like i was kept in the dark for so long.
i remembered how lynette dint tell me the truth.
and make me end up like some kinda stupid loser.
though i am not blaming her or anything.

it feels like its the end of the world now.
i am not the girl that dare to call lynette and start crying.
i never knew how to put it to elaine or ling or fizzy.
it would just feel so weird.
sylvia is having problems of her own now.
i dint wanna give her more.
but maybe i wont even know how to put it to her too.

it seems i am gonna bottle up everything.
and faint one day. then die or something.

it seems like everything is breaking.
like i am in the twim towers.
experiencing the crash. but only inside.
i am stuck in the rubble.
telling others my last wishes.
except no one is there to listen.

he hates me. i know it.

but why is every guy so materialistic?

it feels hard to like now.
it would be just too weird to.

i cant cry. nor will i do any exterior damage to myself.

anyone knows a way that i can let it alll out?
anyone at all?

i am not trying to seek any attention.
or wadsoever. i am just letting everyone to know.
never to get themselves into this trouble.
you dont have to care for me.
or lend me any shoulder.
i guess this is all just part of our lives?

i finally understood how it feel when its the end of the world.
it hurts alot.