wa...three days neva blog le...feel so weird...so..now i blogging...something happened this three days it has to do with the 'ILU' kinda thing...but i well just chose not to say..cos it is veri well i dunno...sad?he went New York yseterday...then today around erm 5...or to be exact...erm...5:48:10 online...then tok to me...oni say hi...but too bad i was sleeping in my room...so around 7 when i woke up...he offline liao...actualli i woke up earlier then seven...cos i've been havin the cut wrist kinda feelin this two days...hais...but of coures don dare la...so at first i cut my finger...i use pen knife..then first cut oni skin..then one more time...still skin...then third time OUCH!!!so pain neh...so i scared liao...lol...haha...stupid me...even if i hurt myself oso no use de rite?so i guess now i am the unselfish girl tat well chose to let him hav happiness...very hard lo...cos now...all we think of is to hav the person..and not lik as long as they are happi...so am i...so now i trying to do tat lo...cos he say tat he hope this time i will tell him tat i will get over it...hais...i also hope so l0...haiss...now...i hav nth to say le...i wan go n watch DA CHANG JIN...so touching...hais...and hor today i watch Harry Potter...the part when tat chao shuai de cedric die...i cry lik shi lo...and i so shuai(not hadsome...unlucky...lol...)behind got two guai lan de ppl keep toking..then one read b4 the story so keep tellin the other one...i felt lik say 'CAN U LIK SHUT UP...!'but i scared tat tat was not de rite way to do it...so i ren...siann diao...somemore one i a FATHER...so throw face lo...old liao oso don zi dong...keep askin daughter this that..siann diao.lo....jibye...they spoilt my day!!!ok i wan watch the show le...bb!!


OMG...i lov AMY lynette's cousin she is my lucky star!!!today...i went north point....wif lynette
and amy...then when i was there...i keep on thinking if i would see him there...see if i realli got tat yuan fen anot...when go home tat time...after tapping the ez-link card...when we walking toward the escalator...lynette suddenly sae "WEI MING LEI!" i first i thought she just playing so i din care...then she sae "NI KAN NI KAN!" so i "kan" then WTF...realli lor...then beside him is heye...i was damn shocked!!!cos it was the first time i and him got so much yuan fen!!!lol when we boarded the train..i keep on asking lynette to pinch me...to see if i was dreaming anot...but it hurt!!!which means i not dreaming!!!(actualli...i noe i not de...cos there is some kinda diff between dreams and reality...but wadeva)i am freakin happi today lol...cos it is the first time i go out wif amy and the first time i and him so much yuan fen...so i lik to announce tat "RACHEL LIM LOVES AMY KHOO VERY VERY MUCH " lol...i still cannot belief it!!!
and somemore...i was hoping very much to see him...cos he dyed his hair yesterday...and hu noes...heaven ans me!!!lol..i am freakin happi...lalalala.....
but...there is one bad news...i don noe why but i was kinda down and up when i saw him...up cos got yuan fen...but down ..dunno why...maybe cos i am trying veri hard to forget him le...aiyah i just dunno...haiss....
WADEVA NOMATTER WAD...THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIVE (SO FAR)LOL...


lol...today saw him...and i lik just realise tat his eyes are beautiful!!!i love them...lynette say is cos he wear contacts...it is lik so nice and lik there is this lik coat of jelly or something..tat makes it look so bright i almost went blind...lol...WOW...so jealous...hai...i realli don noe liao....hai...don noe wad to do now....hai...hai...hai...to me it seems lik tat it is the end liao..but lynette say i will neva noe...now...it make me wanna stay at the decision....but this decision will do no good de...so wad shld i do???haisss...


STUPIDSTUPID!!!!!yesterday dye my hair RED go sch walk in afew steps nia then kanna caught liao...fark la...then bei sent home...and i oso don noe why but when she lik scold me i not scared lo..scarly i become pai kia liao...wakakaka...lynette say i look lik pai kia...dunno lei...haha
anyway...yesterday i was looking through my emails de draft...then accidentally send wm something tat i wanted to send him de..but now wan delete diao...stupid lo...then i faster tell zj to call him to tell him...then after awhile...zj say he call le.zj say he tell him tat tat email got virus de...so tell wm not to open...so clever...but i cant believe tat wm will believe him lo...lol...he so gulible de...
i hav decided to forget him le...but hias...lynette tell me tat she noe tat when i not toking and lik thinking of thing..i am thinking of him de...hahaha..she so clever sia...can read my mind...haha...i mean tat is wad frens are for..hahaha...now i oso don noe wad to do liao...wait for him to reply and see wad he say lo..hais....siann.lo...haiss...


i ask him yseterday if i lik shld forget him liao...he say maybe....cos IT IS ALL OVER....i mean i noe it is...but geting it outta my mind is real diffcult...i just don noe why....
i hav no mood now...my stupid stomach cramp lik shit...arghh
nth to rite...so...so long...


siann la...i just woke up in ma darkdark room...my mom damn wad lo...i don lik my maid..she damn disgusting...i mean i feel likgoin up to her and lik say u "u noe wad the meaning of disgusting is?it means U...''wtf...lik wad so disgusting abt her...1:her actions a lik totally exaggerated 2:she lik all other maids lik to laugh at ppl...(today she laugh at this person cos his hands were black...)(i was lik er...excuse me but he is motorcyclist???) 3:today at abt 4 i ask her make pizza for me..then around five she ask me ''u hungry anot?'' i was lik''can u lik stop doin wadeva u are doin?whether u are trying to act cute or wadeva...IT JUST DONT WORK!(i tell my mom then she say tat she is just trying to be NICE...then after tat she is buay song and tell me not to touch her maid...i mean''pls hu wants to??see her face at night oso will faint de lo...''......i mean i always keep quite abt the other maids...now make abit of comment on the best u hav come across cannot meh???wtf...
now feel darn siann...this morn he add me...he got new add liao...so i'd suppose he read my nick ba??''cant i just cling on....atleast until the day i realise it will neva work out between us even if i wait a hundred years'' nice ba??haha...now don realli noe wad to say...suddenly feel lik talkin to zj...don noe why but tok to him feel lik very comfortable maybe it is cos i don lik him ba...and i don noe why but...when i tok to him...i lik totally siann diao...lik very sad lik tat...don noe lei...hai...but i just still lik him alot...nothing can change tat fact liao...hai...


last nite...i dreamt of him again!!!but not today hai...the dream was abt my family and lyn going out...then when we were deciding where to go for dinner lyn recieve a call from wm..to eat...so we all went there for dinner...not much happened during the eating part...then after tat i tell my bro tat tat was wm...then he lik orh or something...stupid la...i just told my bro abt the other dream...then he say '' tat is just a dream...tat is just a dream'' i am lik wadeva...cant u lik let me be happy abt something tat has to do wif him for once?i mean everyone can dream de wad...siann diao...siann....i just now sms zj say...i noe i am farn so i hav decided le...to forget him....and i won disturb u all liao...thanks and sorri...thn he ask me y i say tat cos he does not think i am fan...i was quite happi actualli...cos i thought i was haha....he say i veri funni again...then i lik tell him tat i thought i was...then he say i veri weird...and ask me to relax...i mean i don lik to find out tat a person think i am farn after too long...i lik wanna noe fast so i don make them lik dislike me more....[END]


today was a great day but it could hav been greater to hav the company of a big piglet...if not for tat weiming...haizz...siann...call him so mani time neva ans...actualli not i call de is lynette...she got one...on the first try lo...so good sia...hai...siann...i mean even if he cant come or wadeva atleast tell us ma...let us call call call...and hav the hope tat he will come....stupid la...lyn say tat if a boy catches one...and giv to his girlfren...she will be veri happi de...haha...i wonder...wadeva..i can oni dream on de...lynette say i am dumb....cos i mean i am the total opp of her...she wans ta tok to the boy she lik...but she noe tat he won listen one..i mean...lik he won care de...but for me..i can become real close close frens wif him...but is i don dare de...haizzz....i mean i am just scared wad...i realli think i am stupid lei...haizz...but even if i wann be veri veri fren wif him...i must wait until his o's finish first...haizz...wad a long wait...and somemore...dec i goin austraia...two weeks of chance is gone liao...hmm...i wonder...wad shld i get for him???haha...no point actualli...it won change anything....hai....wad can i do now to change it...if i had one wish...i would be_______________________________....cant say cos i mean this thing is not out yet...so i do wann be the first one to do it...even if this thing has to be spread...he will do the honours...but it is already the past...so no one will noe liao...haha but i now veri de siann....realli lik don noe wad to do le......cant get him outta my mind...haii...f lo...
yesterday my mom ask me how much i hav left in my hicard...i sae two something...the she laugh at me lo...the monei is for me to survive until dec...u noe how torturing tat is...i cannot sms him...cannot chat even if he starts a conversation wif me!!!i mean it is veri rare for him to start the conversation...cos it is always me de....siann lo.....ask my gor to buy topup card for me for a veri long time le....but he still haven lo...hai....ren ren ren!!!haha...last nite i woke up in the middle of thenite...and remember all the things tat happen between him and me...but after tat i dream of him so happi lo...basically..i went to see doc...then he and zj was there...so i was waiting there cos got 26 ppl infront of me...i suddenly saw my cousin she was pushin a baby carrige or something...then there was this little girl playin wif the baby inside...then of course i went over and lik cuddle the baby la...so suddenly...wm call tat little girl...and lik tell her not to play wif my niece...or i might lik bit her or something...(i mean he can be quite qian bian at times...but he very cute de...haha)so tat was his sis...then after awhile...i was sitting wif my cousin and zj...my cousin was in the middle la...then weiming suddenly come out of the toliet wearing this tight power ranger singlet...i was disgusted and then i lik quitely tell my cousin...but zj say tat is his bro one...then wm took it off and he was wearing a nicer t-shirt of coures...then he came over to me and pass me my handphone...i don noe how he had it but it was wet...so i was lik eee...then he shake his ass infront of me lo...stupid la....then i kicked his ass...hahatats the end!!!when i woke up...i was damn happi...cos it was the first time o dreamt of him...haha


i just found out today tat this bitch siad i was flirt...wtf!!!i ask zj if i am...but he sae not as much as some ppl...well which means i am but not as much???i still gotta ask him again...stupid sia...she is such a hyprocrite...u wanna be nasty...don think i am some kinda push over bitch..u can scold me...u think i cannot do the same to u ma???go n let every ass tat liks u fark u la...since u lik so much attention...kao bei...u neva see my nasty side oni lo...if i realli wan...i can bitch until everyone don lik me de...but i just wanna keep lo profile...haha...wadeva...just don get on my nerves biatch......u oni noe how to act miss nice...but actuali...u are just a ulgy biatch......fark how did i get a fren lik u???cant believe tat he eva liked u lo...darn it!!u think i scared tat u hav alot of connection...i oso hav ok...diff gang oso hav...if my uncle was alive.....u'd get it frm him....i am not as easy as u think ok...i just don get it...wad in the right mind of his liked u???wtf....u make ppl change frm nicey nicey to bitchy bitchy...wad do u wann??cant u just lead ur life wif ppl tat is lik u... and not make others lik u....u are not as liked as u think u noe...i don mean tat i am...i at least i not as biatch as u so as to go around tellin ppl tat they are this and tat...go to hell la...go around and flirt oni...shitshitshit...i still don get it...WHY WOULD HE LIK U!!!!!farkfarkfark!!!i realli don noe wad he was thinking lo....hai......sometimes i realli don get u at all....
i just cant forget wadeva tat happened yesterday...it was all lik some kinda dream...a very nice one...cos i was so freakin close..haha...and i saw his finger...i noe i am lame but there is this chinese saying...lik if u lik someone...u lik everything tat has gotta do wif him...haha
so his o lvl come le....i pray to my my grand pa's mom to bao you wm....and pray to my grand ma's parents tat they oso bao you wm...haha.....so i gtg le...bye...and good luck to zj...wm...heye...kelvin...gary...and all the sec five frens.....for wadeva coming exams they hav....ciao!


siann...bad day...so i gav him back the money...not he ye but wm...siann...his nails are so freakishly long!!haha...so he said bye...but i din look at him...cos well it is odvious rite???(for thoes tat don get it...it is cos i still lik him alot...)then lynette say tat after he say bye to lynette he look at me...well i don noe how true tat is...cos i din see...but still i hope he not angry tat i din say bye to him...FUCK!!!i lik still cant get him outta my mind lo...siann...wad can i do!!!lynette say she just realise tat he look veri shuai...if not for tat...i agree...but the wm i lik is through sms...which means tat i oni lik him cos of his character and so on...and to say the turth...i don lik his voice at all...i just don noe why...haha...i just cannot stop thinking abt wad lynette told me...i realli don noe why i lik him...as in someone tat is leavin soon...or why din i lik him earlier??farkfarkfark!i think my blog is getting more and more boring le...cos i oni tok abt him haha...i still cannot get this qns outta my head lo...fuck!!!i mean SO WAD IF MY ENGLISH IS PRO???i am gonna ask heye to ask him for me haha...kay...i hav to go le...so maybe later i will add on again...buaiz!!


i just realise tat i always start wif-kayy todae was a great dae...so now i am starting lik this-today was a totally bad day...cos i am back in singapore...which also means tat he is back in my life...which also sucks....and well i have decided to forget him-by not noein hi at all...and for sure...this i must accomplish...i am still strugglin...to forget him for good...and i cant seem to do so...on my way back...i felt the kinda 'heavy heart' and so i tried to sleep...to stop my brain from working for just awhile...but i just could not...he made me real miserable...hah i just don noe how to say...i hope i can catch zj today...siann....he is an ass...i hope he neva repli me os he is studying...not playin wif him or something.....so...good luck to me?


kayy...today was a great dae...i am now in malaysia...i bought this real nice pair of shoes from 'vior'...i am realli pissed off wif zj...yesterday i ask him of he had asked wm wad i wan him to...then he ask me hu i am...then i sae la...then he kept askin me the smae qns...so i was pissed off and scold him f*****...the he sae 'u are rude...'...i was lik kao bei..i ask u so mani time le...u still ask same qns...now u sae i m rude???k...then he sae he is 'CAPTAIN ARMSTRONG'...i was lik WTF!!!go n die la...ans my qns!!!i the end i gave up and ask lyn to call him today and tell him not to do wadeva he did today...so now he neva sae he is 'CAPTAIN ARMSTRONG' but he still neva ans me.....i lov my nick...'lOVE is realli veri complicated......but why do i LIK u so much in da 1st place.........so much tat i can sacrifice everything??'...nice rite???k...i hav to admit it...but i am still very in lov wif him or something...cos although he is outta my life for this few days...but i cant do the next step-getting him out of my mind...fark!fark!fark!....on my way to here...i had a veri long quiet time...and of coures...i remember wm again liao...siann...hai...wad can i do???i noe i am bhb...but lik somethings lik tell me tat he got abit and oni abit of feel for me...OK WADEVA!!! i m imagining things again liao...acttualli..i have alot to say abt tat de...but i don think it is suitable to say la...so i will keep this as a little secret between me...heaven...earth...and erm some of my frens?k..tats all i hav to say le...cos din do much today...bb!!!


kay...todae was akinda great day...well i went to walk the macritchie tree top walk or something...damn long lo...around lik 10 over km....so...i just read iris's tag...sorri...hehe...well.....i was kinda sad all over again...lik not oni me is lik tat...if i hav one wish..i will wish tat no one will eva go though wadeva i did...cos well...it is totally pianful...i hated him...but zj say tat it is just wad i will say at a moment of heat...well i keep on asking him whether i still lik wm or i hate him...i wanna sae sorri to him la cos even if he sae i not fan...naturally if i am him i will feel tat way de...kayy i hav fallen into a veri veri deep deep hole tat oni one person can get me out of...and tats oni erm...(i don realli noe is it wm or me???)...so now i lik am stuck there foreva le...until i find out hu or wat can get me out....i feel so lonely...stuck in a deep hole...foreva and eva...neva gonna get ut...so dark and cold...and creepy...and no matter how mani sorri u tell me wm...it will not help de...cos it will neva change anything...everything i don wan to happen has happen...actualli...b4 i told u i lik u...i lik knew *tat* ok?but maybe i was too late...so a note to everyone...never hesitate...just go for it...or you will regret de...U WILL DE!! trust me...cos i have made tat mistake le....and u can neva change tat liao...and no matter wadeva happens after...u will still lik tat person...which will cause u alot of pain de...unless u are the lucky type tat can forget tat easily...or else...u will feel lik it is the end of the world...u will feel lik dying...ok tats wad i think la...(when i was typing this part...i was thinking if i will be fined for saying tat)
wm...i don noe if o still lik u...or i hate u...but i noe tat i will not get over everything until a veri veri long time...i don noe y i liked u...but i noe tat i realli do now...and will for a veri long time...ok i noe i might be repeating wadeva i sae but this is lik a diary...so i write the way i lik lo...kay tats all i can say le...cos i am tearing liao...scared later cry then die le...